I need to stop coming to work sober
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He passed out mid-signature
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
