If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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