Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
