the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
