You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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