i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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