A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
