Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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