I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
