he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Someone signed my nipple.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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