I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
