why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
