WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
