did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
