Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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