Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
