at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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