I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
