I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
