His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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