WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
