I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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