i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
