Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
