:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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