she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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