So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
