If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I just put wine in my tea
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize