He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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