i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
