Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
