dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
