wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
