Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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