thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
