Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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