Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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