i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
