Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
