its not stalking. its research.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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