Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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