we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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