There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
