Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
