shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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