Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
