I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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