its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
