put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
