Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
