I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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