New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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