I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
