Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
