My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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