I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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