I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
