hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
