his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
