watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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