I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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