...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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