Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
