It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
