Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
