I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
