i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize