When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
