It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
